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sleeplessforever
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Name: Stephanie
Country: United States
State: Illinois
Birthday: 7/5/1986
Interests: Dancing, Singing, Playing the piano, Laughing, Playing, skipping, hanging out with friends, going to dance parties, being with my Alphas, dancing with the EIU dancers!!!
Message: message me
AIM:  steph12504
Member Since:
12/9/2003
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| I wish I had more profound things to say on this thing...
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| Grr....
I hate that I care. I really hate the fact that I care. It really bothers me and the bothering isn't going away.  Erin tells me it bothers me because I have real feelings for him. I hate to admit it, but I think she's right... This weekend is going to be a tough one. I need to keep to what I've been saying or else I will never live this down. Those guys will also never believe another word I say because I've been so persistent about it. But isn't so easy to fall back into a groove you've already been in? But what happens when it gets past this weekend? It's not like he is going away... Nope, he's here now and I'm excited for that but not looking forward to it at the same time. Boys are crappy. I hate how they can get in your head. I feel like he knows how to get to me and control me. Grrr!!!!!!
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| Currently, I am sitting on a fence. I am about to fall off this fence, which is a good thing since this is not a comfortable fence that I am sitting on. The thing is, I don't know which side I am going to fall on. I have this feeling that as soon as I fall/jump to one side I am going to look over the fence and wish I had fallen on that side instead. I know I am going to see the other side and think that maybe the grass was just a little cushier over there, maybe a little greener.
Actually, the better analogy might be that I am standing on top of a snowy mountain that I just climbed. I thought I climbed it by myself, but little did I know that somehow I climbed it dragging someone up with me. Now, it's decision time. Do I go back down on the easy side? The side that has less cliffs, less trouble, but if I choose this side, I go down it alone. If I choose the other side I know I will have a lot of hardships before I am safe on the ground below. The thing is I will have someone with me. Someone to help me when I get stuck on a cliff. If we get down safely together it could be the most amazing thing, but I am so afraid that we might not both make it down safely if we choose this dangerous route... I am afraid that there will be snowstorms that are so strong that they will push apart. So far apart that we will never be able to find eachother again. We might both make it down the dangerous side, just not together... It is these times that the easy side just looks so appealing, very, very appealing. But if we were to make it down together... IF we were...I feel the rest of life would be easy ridin'. Oh, a few hills here and there, but for the most part, just -wind in my hair, smile on our faces- easy ridin'... The thing is I could get down on the easy side, and it also could be easy ridin' for the rest of my life, I might not have the same feeling of accomplishment, but who knows? Who knows what lies for me at bottom of the mountain... It could be damn near anything!
How long before I fall of this fence or mountain?
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| "Don't be impatient. Wait for the Lord, and he will come and save you! Be brave, stouthearted and courageous. Yes, wait and he will help you." Psalms 27:14
-So now I wait...
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| Oh, Princeton. How I love thee. Kind of.
Being home after three years of college is so odd. It's weird how out of place you can feel in the place you call home. People have changed, friends have changed. Things are just different. Boy, are they different. It makes you miss people that you thought you wouldn't miss anymore. It has been a long time since we have been together, yet coming back to Princeton tugs at my heart. And for some reason, I just can't get him out of my head for this entire week I've been back. Out of habit, I feel like I should be calling him to get food on my lunch break and everyday I feel like I should be going over to his house to hang out. The thing is, he doesn't even live here anymore, so all of that is completely impossible! Soon, his family won't even be here and that is even harder to imagine. It scares me. Almost as if the whole thing was a dream. And it seems everywhere I go, there is something to remind me of him. And of course, I seem to run into his family friends everywhere! But, who can I blame. When you date someone for three years in a small town, it is kind of impossible to get away from it while you are here. There are so many memories, good and bad. The thing is, Princeton holds all the good ones. We didn't fight while we were home, that was while I was at school. In fact, things were always really, really good in Princeton. I guess that is what makes so hard to be here... for both of us. I really can't blame him for wanting to get out. There's just a lot here to handle...
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